Tuesday was interesting. I had rehearsal until 5-ish. Then I went home for a half hour and had to go back to the school for Carmina Burana. Gross. About halfway through the concert, I started feeling sick. But I'm a little stubborn, so I just told myself that I was overreacting and that nothing was wrong. But by about movement 19 or 20, I was dying. It sucked. Then all of the sudden my ears got hot, and the rest of my body was really cold. My vision started blacking out and I couldn't hear anything. I remember thinking to myself, "Is this what it feels like when you pass out?" and then thinking I should probably sit down in case I did pass out. And I started swaying back and forth cuz I didn't have any balance anymore. So I sat down for a while and felt like crap. Almost passing out is really hard on you. During the second to last movement, I made myself stand up again (even though I really really didn't want to). I didn't sing the rest of the time though, I just mouthed the words. By the end during the bows, I still felt sick and was almost in tears. I could barely stand up still. Not a good time... So I texted my mom and asked her to come drive me home. So she came and got me and drove me home.Right before the concert, I had looked at my phone and had seen that Sister Chynoweth, the Special Needs Mutual young women's president had called me and left a message. I had tried listening to it, but it was too late. Then after the concert, I saw that my mom had texted me saying sister chynoweth had called and to come home before listening to the message.When I got home, my mom took me over to the couch to rub my shoulders. She then said Sister Chynoweth had called. She explained that my buddy from mutual, Kayleen, had died Saturday and that her funeral was earlier in the day on Tuesday. I wish I had the words to explain my emotions. I've lost loved ones before. But this was so different. I haven't known Kayleen for very long, yet in those few short months I've become so close to her. It seemed almost unreal that she had died so suddenly, but I knew it was real. It was so unexpected and came so suddenly- like when my Uncle Steve died. I wasn't told he was going to die. I didn't get to say goodbye. That was hard.I called Sister Chynoweth to talk to her about it.
I've gone to special needs mutual once since then. I made myself busy and helped out with whatever they needed me to. It was fun, but sort of weird without Kayleen.


This is me and Kayleen my first week at mutual. I was with her the whole time even though we hadn't been assigned buddies yet. She kept on saying all night that she wanted me to be her buddy because we were best friends. And then we were buddies and she was so happy. :)


(p.s. this is an old post that I forgot to actually put up until now.)